1. |
Please, Call Me Boris
02:43
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BORIS: The name is Alexander
Boris de Pfeffel Johnson.
But of all my many names,
I only need the one.
For while you know me as the blond
Who’s always up for fun,
There’s plenty you don’t know about, I promise.
Please, call me Boris. Yes!
I’m a very different politico,
Really quite popular.
I don’t know if it’s what I say,
Or simply just the hair.
I sometimes think I’d even ’scape
Charges of murder.
No one even expects me to be honest.
Please, call me Boris.
(He’s a tendency to extemporise
Quite loquaciously.
It’s almost like he’s lost control
Of oral faculties.
But trust me he’s a training
In speaking classically...)
Positively prone to prolapse poetry and piffle,
A locutor luxurious, linguistically it’s blissful.
Merry and mellifluous in many of my scribbles,
But sometimes you can’t beat the tried and tested.
In grabbing your attention, I won’t be bested:
Tits, arse, pudding, yarh!
I’m everybody’s favourite
From Cardiff ’cross to Norwich.
I’m loved by cavier eaters
Down to workers with their porridge.
I brighten up this nation
Like flowers from a florist.
Please, call me Boris!
I’m just like MC Hammer, you can’t touch this.
Please, call me Boris.
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2. |
Born to Rule
02:51
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You might think you’re educated
Quite well read, sophisticated
None of that counts cos we are fated…
We are…
Born to rule
If you’re rich you can be a fool.
We are born to rule
Did they feed you fois gras at your school?
We don’t buy an education
We invest in life connections
Bonding with group masturbation
Yeah! Tory biscuit!
Eton, Oxbridge, Parliament
A seat in the Lords – retirement
So just remember, when you feel poor,
We’re your feudal overlords!
And don’t think of kicking up a fuss
Cos even though it’s personally advantageous
We’ve still got our charitable status!
Yeah, toff win!
[Rap] So here’s the thing
about being an Eton boy
You got bear dollar,
Can buy lots of toys.
But there ain’t no fillies
Allowed up in this bitch.
Can’t get no pussy,
No matter how rich.
All you see is willies,
In post rugger showers.
Just you and a dude
In the midnight hour.
But we all know
That come the day,
We’ll be balls deep in clunge,
Let me hear you say,
We got money,
We got power,
We got opportunities.
All the honeys gonna say,
“Hell, yes please”
Don’t hold it against us,
We don’t make the rules.
Just the way of the world,
That we’re born to rule…
[Guitar solo]
We are…
Born to rule,
We’ve never even heard of Liverpool.
We are born to rule,
This is all part of our schedule.
We are born to rule!
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3. |
Posh Lads
01:31
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Smash up the place, for fun!
Get off your face, drink on!
Back to my place – (a mansion)
Welcome to the Bullingdon.
It costs you three grand
To dress up like us.
Gotta burn fifty quid
In front of a homeless.
We’ve only got one rule –
We don’t give a toss.
Cos we got all the money,
So there’s no touching us.
We’re the truest of the blue,
The brightest and the best,
We’ll trash what we like
And write you out a cheque.
We party through the night,
Posh lads never tire,
Cos we’re mother-fucking lords of Oxfordshire!
Smash up the place, for fun!
Get off your face, drink on!
Back to my place – (a mansion)
Welcome to the Bullingdon.
[guitar solo]
Smash up the place, for fun!
Get off your face, drink on!
It’s Downton Abbey meets Fight Club!
Welcome to the Bullingdon.
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4. |
Super Mayor
01:54
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A politician was all I ever wanted to be.
But now it’s clear, I’ve a new ambition, yes finally,
London will not live in fear
Not while Boris is living here.
I’m a cockney batman,
Got my helmet on.
(Super Mayor)
Oh, the ladies how they stop and stare.
(Super Mayor)
Don’t need no flashing light, got my blond, blond hair.
(You know justice will be swift,
Check out his trousers, they’re safely clipped).
If you’re looking for trouble,
Then I’m looking for you.
This town, it is mired in a crime wave,
It’s out of hand.
You can’t even walk your dog,
Because your dog will shake you down.
(But the crims they can’t escape his bike,
Not even in their stolen Nikes).
You wouldn’t see this shit
From Ken Livingstone.
(Super Mayor)
Oh, the ladies how they stop and stare.
(Super Mayor)
Don’t need no flashing light, got my blond, blond hair.
(If you’ve pinched a pair of Reeboks,
He’s coming for you, ready or not).
If you’re looking for trouble,
Then I’m looking for you.
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5. |
Me and My Johnson
02:31
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I try to be faithful
(I really do)
But it’s hard, when you look
Like I do.
The ladies, they come back for more,
But Boris is already out the door.
I’ve too much to offer, you see.
Selfish – to deprive the world of more me.
Though it's true, the ladies, I adore,
But Boris, I love more!
My honourable member
(A three line whip)
Wants to vote in your chamber
(I’ll be quick)
They ladies, they can’t get too much
Of Boris’ potent hot blond stuff.
But ladies you are in a queue.
This reflection will always outshine you.
All I ask, one sexy sine qua non:
Love me, love my Johnson.
Oh, Tory lothario,
Cassanova in parliament-o,
I quote them Greek,
The ladies do shriek,
And I’m not talking Saphho, oh no!
Yes, they go wild for me.
Knickers down beneath the knees.
I’m a modern Adonis,
Tongue hotter than Horace,
Oh, I love you, Boris.
But ladies you are in a queue.
This reflection will always outshine you.
All I ask, one sexy sine qua non:
Love me, love my Johnson.
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6. |
BeLeave
02:47
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MICHAEL GOVE:
You gotta beleave – in the glory.
Glory Britannia.
You gotta sing, “I believe!”
Yeah, sing, “I believe!”
Take back control from Germania.
This is a sceptered isle. A blessed place.
Freedom’s home. Her resting place.
You gotta beleave – In the glory.
Glory Britannia.
Let me hear you sing, “I believe!”
Yeah, sing it loud, “I believe!”
Say “no” to Romania.
(Ad lib)
Together we can rise up...
I ask you all, Dundee to Rotherham...
I call on you, Cardiff and Birmingham...
Let’s not forget, all the Boots and Matalans...
Across this ancient and magic land.
You gotta Vote Leave!
You gotta Vote Leave!
You gotta believe in your country and destiny!
You gotta Vote Leave!
You gotta Vote Leave!
You gotta believe
Vote leave, we will set you free.
Let me hear you sing, (I be-leave)
Let me hear you sing it, (I be-leave)
A little bit louder (I be-leave)
Come on now sing it (I be-leave)
I cannot hear you! (I be-leave)
Do you be-leave it? (I be-leave)
Cos I be-leave it! (I be-leave)
We be-leave it..
I be-leave!
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7. |
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BORIS:
Friends, I implore you,
Believe me, there is more to
This country that remainers so disdain.
Together we can kickstart,
Our nation’s heart-beat restart,
A brave new world on Independence Day!
I’m talking about Brexit!
The EU, I reject it!
You don’t need to be rule-ioed
By technocrats called Julio.
We can go it all alone,
If EU powers we do bring home.
I’m talking about Brexit!
DAVE: The IMF, the Treasury,
World Bank, and OECD.
Even the Bank of England
The EU does extol.
You’ll all be poorer off, it’s true.
We’ll lose jobs, tax revenue.
Don’t Vote Leave
Cos Bojo’s megalolz.
We’re talking about Brexit!
Expert opinion, we reject it.
You can keep your dry, hard facts.
We’ve got something better than that!
Immigration, immigration, immigration.
Immigration, it’s getting out of hand.
We can’t control the numbers
Coming in. We cannot. We cannot.
We need to reaffirm our borders.
Take back control. Take back control.
It’s the only way...
We’re talking about Brexit!
Last forty years, we’ll correct it.
The country may need paramedics,
Turn into a racist cesspit,
It will all be totally worth it.
We're talking about Brexit!
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8. |
Prime Minister, G.B.
03:57
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BORIS: Have you ever bitten off
More than you could chew?
Found yourself too deep inside,
Something that you knew defied,
Everything that you were meant to do?
I thought it was a game,
One grand throw of the dice.
No one ever took me serious
In my whole life.
I’m just a clown, you see,
A joker and a rogue.
Now I’ve gone and screwed the nation,
Cos I thought that it would hasten
My rise to the very top,
But now it’s clear, the game is up.
I’m just a clown and clowns can never be....
Prime Minister GB
(clowns can never be)
Prime Minister GB
DAVE: Have you ever bitten off
More than you could chew?
I gave you people what you want
And this how you say, “thank you”?
I wanted resolution,
Quell backbencher revolution,
Now I’ll go down in history
As the nob who broke the union.
I didn’t meet my fiscal targets
Forced the poor to nearly starve, it’s
Food banks that are my legacy,
Prime Minister GB
(Don’t forget about the pig)
Prime Minister GB
MICHAEL: Finally, something
To get my teeth into.
I’m fated for the greatest heights
I’ll soar above you parasites.
I’ll make this country great,
After Brexit, just you wait:
With Gove in charge, we’ll live it large,
Your poverty, I will enlarge.
You all misjudged the Gove, ignored
My hunger for the throne, deplored
My weird face, but now it’s time to be,
Prime Minister, GB.
(He wants to be)
Prime Minister, GB
DAVE: I rolled the dice,
BORIS: I raised the stakes,
MICHAEL: It’s time I took my rightful place!
We may have bitten off
(It was a gamble and we bloody lost)
More than we could chew
(Now we're counting the cost)
Found ourselves too deep inside
A scheme gone far askew
We didn't think it through
(We thought they'd just vote to stay)
Misjudged the public view
(Who does the research anyway?)
It never should have come to this,
Farage, that fucking anarchist!
BORIS: And now I'm all alone
Ridiculed abroad and home
How can one with all this cash
And privilege make such a monstrous gaffe?
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9. |
Who Am I?
02:04
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I thought I couldn’t lose,
A posh boy playing posh boy games.
A silly jape, a ruse.
What is this feeling? Is it shame?
So unfamiliar.
I’m used to waving, lots of smiles.
It’s like I’ve shafted them.
It’s like they think, they think I’m vile.
Which am I? (Which am I?)
Machiavelli or the clown? (Which am I, which am I, which am I)
I just don’t know
Do I smile? Do I frown?
I only ever gave you people
what you want.
A bit of light relief.
A little entertainment.
Who am I? (who am I?)
You get the leaders you deserve.
Oh who am I? (Who am I)
A blessing or a curse?
Who am I? Was this all just for fun?
Oh, who am I? Boris, what have you done?
Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?
Boris, what have you become?
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10. |
Double O Boris
01:46
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On her Majesty’s
Secret Service
Over foreign seas
Yeah, work it, baby,
You had better believe.
I got more lives than a siamese cat,
Yeah Boris is back
And I’m gonna help Britain when she’s under attack.
I’m double “o” Boris! (He's double "o" Boris)
I’m double “o” Boris! (He's double "o" Boris)
On her Majesty’s
Secret Service
Over foreign seas
Yeah, work it, baby,
You had better believe.
(He's Britain’s nuclear blond bombshell.
Where he lands, oh, who can tell.
Britain’s back and she’s going to hell,
With Boris, a handcart and Farage as well)
I’m double “o” Boris! (He's double "o" Boris)
I’m double “o” Boris! (He's double "o" Boris)
I got two charm guns strapped to my waist
Set phasers to “cripes”, hit them in the face.
An ego so big you can see it from outer space.
I’m double “o” Boris! (He's double "o" Boris)
I’m double “o” Boris! (He's double "o" Boris)
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11. |
Do Calm Down
01:16
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Do calm down everyone, it's true
But please, ask yourselves. what would you do?
A politician in my unusual position
Rid herself of the official opposition
Such a tempting poroposition
Tell me, is there something I'm missing?
(Brexit) I've a bold new vision
(Britain) For a bold new Britain
(Brexit) Wityh a global mission
(Britain) In pole position
(Brexit) So put me in command
(Britain) A second Queen for the land
(Brexit) Chose leave? I understand
(Britain) Now strengthen my hand
And i know that you don't vote Tory
(strong and stable hand)
But with me it;s a different story
(she will rule the land)
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12. |
Finally
02:10
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Finally I think we can win
Finally, we can usher in
The Britain we've waited for
The one that the man has stopped before
Sure, we're down in the polls
Don't give up hope!
Just got to register the proles to vote!
I know that we can win
We've got Jeremy Corbyn!
What are you waiting for?Dive right in
Together, we can win
You and me, we've just got to believe
Take a stand and follow his lead
Finally someone to believe in
Sorry God, we've got Corbyn!
I heard that he walked on water!
I heard that he walked in Watford!
I saw in on social media
No Tory lies in our news feedia
He's labour's secret weapon
For a tax and psending heaven
But unlike a nuclear bomb
We'd actually use this one!
Don't criticize, never ask why
The Blairite vermin deserve to die
I know that we can win
We've got Jeremy Corbyn!
What are you waiting for?Dive right in
Together, we can win
You and me, we've just got to believe
Take a stand and follow his lead
Finally someone to believe in
Sorry God, we've got Corbyn,
Sorry God, we've got Corbyn!
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13. |
Grime 4 Corbyn
02:13
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All the haters out there
Saying we ain’t got a prayer
That we can’t win.
All the money and class
Stealing the brass,
Same old ting.
With your friends in the press,
You’re giving it your best
But you still sin.
Cos your ends are nefarious.
Can’t compare with us.
Don’t even know what we’re ’bout
But you’re scared of us.
Dare come square with us?
Don’t be a fool, son. (one breath) /
Twenty-four carat gold, still come undone.
That’s right, rich boy. You better run!
You gold, gold don’t rust.
Iron grinds gold into dust.
Test us? / Get bested, trust. //
Any fool out there still saying that I can’t win?
Fuck you!
I’m Jeremy Corbyn.
Sick and tired, being led by a hypocrite.
Cashing in while her mates cut your benefit.
Lying shits, say “we can’t afford this.”
Snatch food out the mouth of poor kids.
This ain’t politics,
Politricks,
Know what they’re doing,
Just don’t give a shit.
Make the money go away like a magic trick.
Treat us like we’re all thick as pig shit.
Yo! Here some things that you might have missed.
UK Debt rising and rising.
Bigger than ever under Labour, climbing.
You say I can’t do maths,
Fuck you! You don’t get asked.
Yo, What’s Brexit gonna cost?
Silence
...lots?
Billions spent on nuclear violence.
Use economics to keep us silent.
Party of fiscal credibility
It’s a party with an entrance fee.
What's that? Mate please
Don't spout that crap about the magic money tree
We all know the Bank of England prints money
When the banks came running you gave em for free
Motherfuckers, it's called QE
Fed up of this meaningless bullshit.
Don’t deny it. You’re so full of it.
Pick a word and you just repeat it.
Brexit Brexit Brexit Brexit.
What’s wrong with you?
Attention deficit?
Like that word, you no longer mention it.
It’s weird, like you’re forgetting it’s,
I’m just guessing it’s, speculation this
“Brexit” – is that the new “deficit”?
Yo, any fool out there still saying that we can’t win?
Fuck you!
We're Jeremy Corbyn.
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14. |
O Brexit
01:48
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O Theresa,
Woeful leader.
You really fucked it, didn’t ya.
You thought you could
Kill off for good
Any opposition
But you forgot
That in public
You seem barely human.
How could you lose
All those MPs?
Bet that was embarassing
The DUP
Are you crazy?
Sinn Fein will be well pissed
Seriously, what is the plan?
Do you even have one?
Theresa May
We're in dismay,
You said you were capable
Only one thing
Today remains
We're leaving the EU
What comes after
This disaster?
Do you even have a clue?
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