Boris - The Album

by Composer Holl Morrell

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1.
BORIS: The name is Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson. But of all my many names, I only need the one. For while you know me as the blond Who’s always up for fun, There’s plenty you don’t know about, I promise. Please, call me Boris. Yes! I’m a very different politico, Really quite popular. I don’t know if it’s what I say, Or simply just the hair. I sometimes think I’d even ’scape Charges of murder. No one even expects me to be honest. Please, call me Boris. (He’s a tendency to extemporise Quite loquaciously. It’s almost like he’s lost control Of oral faculties. But trust me he’s a training In speaking classically...) Positively prone to prolapse poetry and piffle, A locutor luxurious, linguistically it’s blissful. Merry and mellifluous in many of my scribbles, But sometimes you can’t beat the tried and tested. In grabbing your attention, I won’t be bested: Tits, arse, pudding, yarh! I’m everybody’s favourite From Cardiff ’cross to Norwich. I’m loved by cavier eaters Down to workers with their porridge. I brighten up this nation Like flowers from a florist. Please, call me Boris! I’m just like MC Hammer, you can’t touch this. Please, call me Boris.
2.
Born to Rule 02:51
You might think you’re educated Quite well read, sophisticated None of that counts cos we are fated… We are… Born to rule If you’re rich you can be a fool. We are born to rule Did they feed you fois gras at your school? We don’t buy an education We invest in life connections Bonding with group masturbation Yeah! Tory biscuit! Eton, Oxbridge, Parliament A seat in the Lords – retirement So just remember, when you feel poor, We’re your feudal overlords! And don’t think of kicking up a fuss Cos even though it’s personally advantageous We’ve still got our charitable status! Yeah, toff win! [Rap] So here’s the thing about being an Eton boy You got bear dollar, Can buy lots of toys. But there ain’t no fillies Allowed up in this bitch. Can’t get no pussy, No matter how rich. All you see is willies, In post rugger showers. Just you and a dude In the midnight hour. But we all know That come the day, We’ll be balls deep in clunge, Let me hear you say, We got money, We got power, We got opportunities. All the honeys gonna say, “Hell, yes please” Don’t hold it against us, We don’t make the rules. Just the way of the world, That we’re born to rule… [Guitar solo] We are… Born to rule, We’ve never even heard of Liverpool. We are born to rule, This is all part of our schedule. We are born to rule!
3.
Posh Lads 01:31
Smash up the place, for fun! Get off your face, drink on! Back to my place – (a mansion) Welcome to the Bullingdon. It costs you three grand To dress up like us. Gotta burn fifty quid In front of a homeless. We’ve only got one rule – We don’t give a toss. Cos we got all the money, So there’s no touching us. We’re the truest of the blue, The brightest and the best, We’ll trash what we like And write you out a cheque. We party through the night, Posh lads never tire, Cos we’re mother-fucking lords of Oxfordshire! Smash up the place, for fun! Get off your face, drink on! Back to my place – (a mansion) Welcome to the Bullingdon. [guitar solo] Smash up the place, for fun! Get off your face, drink on! It’s Downton Abbey meets Fight Club! Welcome to the Bullingdon.
4.
Super Mayor 01:54
A politician was all I ever wanted to be. But now it’s clear, I’ve a new ambition, yes finally, London will not live in fear Not while Boris is living here. I’m a cockney batman, Got my helmet on. (Super Mayor) Oh, the ladies how they stop and stare. (Super Mayor) Don’t need no flashing light, got my blond, blond hair. (You know justice will be swift, Check out his trousers, they’re safely clipped). If you’re looking for trouble, Then I’m looking for you. This town, it is mired in a crime wave, It’s out of hand. You can’t even walk your dog, Because your dog will shake you down. (But the crims they can’t escape his bike, Not even in their stolen Nikes). You wouldn’t see this shit From Ken Livingstone. (Super Mayor) Oh, the ladies how they stop and stare. (Super Mayor) Don’t need no flashing light, got my blond, blond hair. (If you’ve pinched a pair of Reeboks, He’s coming for you, ready or not). If you’re looking for trouble, Then I’m looking for you.
5.
I try to be faithful (I really do) But it’s hard, when you look Like I do. The ladies, they come back for more, But Boris is already out the door. I’ve too much to offer, you see. Selfish – to deprive the world of more me. Though it's true, the ladies, I adore, But Boris, I love more! My honourable member (A three line whip) Wants to vote in your chamber (I’ll be quick) They ladies, they can’t get too much Of Boris’ potent hot blond stuff. But ladies you are in a queue. This reflection will always outshine you. All I ask, one sexy sine qua non: Love me, love my Johnson. Oh, Tory lothario, Cassanova in parliament-o, I quote them Greek, The ladies do shriek, And I’m not talking Saphho, oh no! Yes, they go wild for me. Knickers down beneath the knees. I’m a modern Adonis, Tongue hotter than Horace, Oh, I love you, Boris. But ladies you are in a queue. This reflection will always outshine you. All I ask, one sexy sine qua non: Love me, love my Johnson.
6.
BeLeave 02:47
MICHAEL GOVE: You gotta beleave – in the glory. Glory Britannia. You gotta sing, “I believe!” Yeah, sing, “I believe!” Take back control from Germania. This is a sceptered isle. A blessed place. Freedom’s home. Her resting place. You gotta beleave – In the glory. Glory Britannia. Let me hear you sing, “I believe!” Yeah, sing it loud, “I believe!” Say “no” to Romania. (Ad lib) Together we can rise up... I ask you all, Dundee to Rotherham... I call on you, Cardiff and Birmingham... Let’s not forget, all the Boots and Matalans... Across this ancient and magic land. You gotta Vote Leave! You gotta Vote Leave! You gotta believe in your country and destiny! You gotta Vote Leave! You gotta Vote Leave! You gotta believe Vote leave, we will set you free. Let me hear you sing, (I be-leave) Let me hear you sing it, (I be-leave) A little bit louder (I be-leave) Come on now sing it (I be-leave) I cannot hear you! (I be-leave) Do you be-leave it? (I be-leave) Cos I be-leave it! (I be-leave) We be-leave it.. I be-leave!
7.
BORIS: Friends, I implore you, Believe me, there is more to This country that remainers so disdain. Together we can kickstart, Our nation’s heart-beat restart, A brave new world on Independence Day! I’m talking about Brexit! The EU, I reject it! You don’t need to be rule-ioed By technocrats called Julio. We can go it all alone, If EU powers we do bring home. I’m talking about Brexit! DAVE: The IMF, the Treasury, World Bank, and OECD. Even the Bank of England The EU does extol. You’ll all be poorer off, it’s true. We’ll lose jobs, tax revenue. Don’t Vote Leave Cos Bojo’s megalolz. We’re talking about Brexit! Expert opinion, we reject it. You can keep your dry, hard facts. We’ve got something better than that! Immigration, immigration, immigration. Immigration, it’s getting out of hand. We can’t control the numbers Coming in. We cannot. We cannot. We need to reaffirm our borders. Take back control. Take back control. It’s the only way... We’re talking about Brexit! Last forty years, we’ll correct it. The country may need paramedics, Turn into a racist cesspit, It will all be totally worth it. We're talking about Brexit!
8.
BORIS: Have you ever bitten off More than you could chew? Found yourself too deep inside, Something that you knew defied, Everything that you were meant to do? I thought it was a game, One grand throw of the dice. No one ever took me serious In my whole life. I’m just a clown, you see, A joker and a rogue. Now I’ve gone and screwed the nation, Cos I thought that it would hasten My rise to the very top, But now it’s clear, the game is up. I’m just a clown and clowns can never be.... Prime Minister GB (clowns can never be) Prime Minister GB DAVE: Have you ever bitten off More than you could chew? I gave you people what you want And this how you say, “thank you”? I wanted resolution, Quell backbencher revolution, Now I’ll go down in history As the nob who broke the union. I didn’t meet my fiscal targets Forced the poor to nearly starve, it’s Food banks that are my legacy, Prime Minister GB (Don’t forget about the pig) Prime Minister GB MICHAEL: Finally, something To get my teeth into. I’m fated for the greatest heights I’ll soar above you parasites. I’ll make this country great, After Brexit, just you wait: With Gove in charge, we’ll live it large, Your poverty, I will enlarge. You all misjudged the Gove, ignored My hunger for the throne, deplored My weird face, but now it’s time to be, Prime Minister, GB. (He wants to be) Prime Minister, GB DAVE: I rolled the dice, BORIS: I raised the stakes, MICHAEL: It’s time I took my rightful place! We may have bitten off (It was a gamble and we bloody lost) More than we could chew (Now we're counting the cost) Found ourselves too deep inside A scheme gone far askew We didn't think it through (We thought they'd just vote to stay) Misjudged the public view (Who does the research anyway?) It never should have come to this, Farage, that fucking anarchist! BORIS: And now I'm all alone Ridiculed abroad and home How can one with all this cash And privilege make such a monstrous gaffe?
9.
Who Am I? 02:04
I thought I couldn’t lose, A posh boy playing posh boy games. A silly jape, a ruse. What is this feeling? Is it shame? So unfamiliar. I’m used to waving, lots of smiles. It’s like I’ve shafted them. It’s like they think, they think I’m vile. Which am I? (Which am I?) Machiavelli or the clown? (Which am I, which am I, which am I) I just don’t know Do I smile? Do I frown? I only ever gave you people what you want. A bit of light relief. A little entertainment. Who am I? (who am I?) You get the leaders you deserve. Oh who am I? (Who am I) A blessing or a curse? Who am I? Was this all just for fun? Oh, who am I? Boris, what have you done? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Boris, what have you become?
10.
On her Majesty’s Secret Service Over foreign seas Yeah, work it, baby, You had better believe. I got more lives than a siamese cat, Yeah Boris is back And I’m gonna help Britain when she’s under attack. I’m double “o” Boris! (He's double "o" Boris) I’m double “o” Boris! (He's double "o" Boris) On her Majesty’s Secret Service Over foreign seas Yeah, work it, baby, You had better believe. (He's Britain’s nuclear blond bombshell. Where he lands, oh, who can tell. Britain’s back and she’s going to hell, With Boris, a handcart and Farage as well) I’m double “o” Boris! (He's double "o" Boris) I’m double “o” Boris! (He's double "o" Boris) I got two charm guns strapped to my waist Set phasers to “cripes”, hit them in the face. An ego so big you can see it from outer space. I’m double “o” Boris! (He's double "o" Boris) I’m double “o” Boris! (He's double "o" Boris)
11.
Do Calm Down 01:16
Do calm down everyone, it's true But please, ask yourselves. what would you do? A politician in my unusual position Rid herself of the official opposition Such a tempting poroposition Tell me, is there something I'm missing? (Brexit) I've a bold new vision (Britain) For a bold new Britain (Brexit) Wityh a global mission (Britain) In pole position (Brexit) So put me in command (Britain) A second Queen for the land (Brexit) Chose leave? I understand (Britain) Now strengthen my hand And i know that you don't vote Tory (strong and stable hand) But with me it;s a different story (she will rule the land)
12.
Finally 02:10
Finally I think we can win Finally, we can usher in The Britain we've waited for The one that the man has stopped before Sure, we're down in the polls Don't give up hope! Just got to register the proles to vote! I know that we can win We've got Jeremy Corbyn! What are you waiting for?Dive right in Together, we can win You and me, we've just got to believe Take a stand and follow his lead Finally someone to believe in Sorry God, we've got Corbyn! I heard that he walked on water! I heard that he walked in Watford! I saw in on social media No Tory lies in our news feedia He's labour's secret weapon For a tax and psending heaven But unlike a nuclear bomb We'd actually use this one! Don't criticize, never ask why The Blairite vermin deserve to die I know that we can win We've got Jeremy Corbyn! What are you waiting for?Dive right in Together, we can win You and me, we've just got to believe Take a stand and follow his lead Finally someone to believe in Sorry God, we've got Corbyn, Sorry God, we've got Corbyn!
13.
All the haters out there Saying we ain’t got a prayer That we can’t win. All the money and class Stealing the brass, Same old ting. With your friends in the press, You’re giving it your best But you still sin. Cos your ends are nefarious. Can’t compare with us. Don’t even know what we’re ’bout But you’re scared of us. Dare come square with us? Don’t be a fool, son. (one breath) / Twenty-four carat gold, still come undone. That’s right, rich boy. You better run! You gold, gold don’t rust. Iron grinds gold into dust. Test us? / Get bested, trust. // Any fool out there still saying that I can’t win? Fuck you! I’m Jeremy Corbyn. Sick and tired, being led by a hypocrite. Cashing in while her mates cut your benefit. Lying shits, say “we can’t afford this.” Snatch food out the mouth of poor kids. This ain’t politics, Politricks, Know what they’re doing, Just don’t give a shit. Make the money go away like a magic trick. Treat us like we’re all thick as pig shit. Yo! Here some things that you might have missed. UK Debt rising and rising. Bigger than ever under Labour, climbing. You say I can’t do maths, Fuck you! You don’t get asked. Yo, What’s Brexit gonna cost? Silence ...lots? Billions spent on nuclear violence. Use economics to keep us silent. Party of fiscal credibility It’s a party with an entrance fee. What's that? Mate please Don't spout that crap about the magic money tree We all know the Bank of England prints money When the banks came running you gave em for free Motherfuckers, it's called QE Fed up of this meaningless bullshit. Don’t deny it. You’re so full of it. Pick a word and you just repeat it. Brexit Brexit Brexit Brexit. What’s wrong with you? Attention deficit? Like that word, you no longer mention it. It’s weird, like you’re forgetting it’s, I’m just guessing it’s, speculation this “Brexit” – is that the new “deficit”? Yo, any fool out there still saying that we can’t win? Fuck you! We're Jeremy Corbyn.
14.
O Brexit 01:48
O Theresa, Woeful leader. You really fucked it, didn’t ya. You thought you could Kill off for good Any opposition But you forgot That in public You seem barely human. How could you lose All those MPs? Bet that was embarassing The DUP Are you crazy? Sinn Fein will be well pissed Seriously, what is the plan? Do you even have one? Theresa May We're in dismay, You said you were capable Only one thing Today remains We're leaving the EU What comes after This disaster? Do you even have a clue?

about

The perpetrators of "Boris - the Musical!" bring you "Boris - the Album" - all the audio excellence of the 2016-2017 stage show, plus extra goodies like outtakes and pics.

PRAISE FOR BORIS - THE MUSICAL:

5***** - "Hilariously surreal political satire... GO SEE IT!" - Kat Cowan, BBC Radio Sheffield

5***** - "Boris and his Johnson in full view" - Now Then Magazine

credits

released December 19, 2016

Lyrics by Laurence Peacock
Music by Hollie Morrell and Laurence Peacock.

Boris & The Johnsons were:

David Burchhardt as Boris Johnson
Hollie Morrell as David Cameron
(Polly Bycroft-Brown in the stage version)
Liz Kearney as Michael Gove

Dominic Lo on keyboards, bass, vocals, and MD
Craig Smith on drums and vocals
Hollie Morrell on extra keyboards and vocals
Laurence Peacock on guitar and vocals

Recorded and produced by Hollie Morrell
Cover design by Aisling Dolan and Hollie Morrell
Stage show directed by Kyle Williams

music & lyrics (c) Hollie Morrell and Laurence Peacock
sound recording (c) Hollie Morrell

This is an archived version of the show as it was in 2016/2017. For updated info and music, please search for Blowfish Theatre.

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Composer Holl Morrell Doncaster, UK

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